Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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