# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
