im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
