Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
