Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
