you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
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