i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My breasts were aching with rage.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
