Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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