Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
