Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
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