Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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