Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
