Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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