No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
