is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
