i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
