During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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