I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
