Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
