he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
