Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
