Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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