no, he came in my armpit
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
