Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
