Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
