Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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