i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
