Define "chronic" masturbator.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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