yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
