You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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