love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
