Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
