she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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