As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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