she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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