He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Dick very happy bro
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
