I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
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