i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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