She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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