Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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