guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
