haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
accomplished twins. life is a go
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
