I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My dick has a subreddit
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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