Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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