Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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