Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
