I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
