The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
