i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
