You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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