some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
