Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
